I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
