hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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