If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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