It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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