Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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