i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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