dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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