we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
