better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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