So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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