I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
