my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
