I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
