Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
