how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
nutella sex= disaster
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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