So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
