sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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