my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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