Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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