you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
