he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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