shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
