we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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