Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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