My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
