I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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