god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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