We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
