If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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