Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
