i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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