Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
