he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
