but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
