The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
