Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
