Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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