I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
