the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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