I hate your face
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
