We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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