Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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