escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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