How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
