New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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