dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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