so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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