I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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