How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
