There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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