i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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