i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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