just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
