Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She even gives head with a lisp.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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