he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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