your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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