Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
