grandma shit on top of the toilet
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
