dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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