It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
