hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
