Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
