It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
