I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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