Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
